Dear Bonnie,
My long term husband died two years ago. I felt accepted and loved by him at every weight, every size. I am thinking about dating but it sounds daunting and, frankly,
scary to put myself out there as a plus size person. I am a loving person who brings a lot to the party. While I have great friends and a good life, I would enjoy having a partner, again, especially as the holidays approach. What can I do?
Evelyn
Dear Evelyn,
I am sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. Having had such a terrific relationship, I can understand that you would like that connection again. Being out in the world, doing what you enjoy, being a person "who brings a lot to the party" are all part of the puzzle. Meeting lots of people is another piece; this is something of a numbers game. Get spiffed up, feel energized by doing whatever it takes for you to do that, go out and meet people -- everywhere, anywhere. Having a regular place to go -- for coffee, a walk, a place to listen to music -- are ways for people to get to know you in a low keyed way. Tell your friends you want to meet someone. You might try the internet which has worked for many people, being sure you are being honest about who you are and what you are seeking. It is a waste of time to create an image of yourself that is distorted in order to meet more men. Think about where "he", the kind of guy you would want to meet would go/be. The company of women is glorious, of course, but it does make it harder to meet others. If you can get yourself to go out and about by yourself, you are more likely to meet new people.
Wishing you a bountiful life,
BB
Dear Bonnie,
My plans for the holidays are to travel to see my family. The idea of getting on an airplane and dealing with the small seats, the seat belts, and looks by other travelers has me wonder if I should just stay home. How can I make this easier?
Melinda
Dear Melinda,
My friend Jill says, "who cares" what other people think, say and how they behave. Go for it. Have a good life. Her idea is to sit at the back of the plane where it is more likely that you will have extra seats, ask the flight attendant to help make ALL the passengers more comfortable, and know that you are a paying customer -- your money counts, too -- so enjoy. As for seat belt extenders, ask for one or simply purchase one from a travel store online or elsewhere.. Make sure you use one, though, because your life and your safety depend on it.
Wishing you a bountiful life,
BB
Dear Bonnie,
I have a great life. I am blessed with good health, love and work I enjoy. I know that many plus size women feel less than or otherwise not okay. What can I do to support my sisters?
Deborah
Dear Deborah,
How fortunate you are to recognize and be mindful of the life you have. So many times, any one of us gets caught up in what is not working and we do not give full attention to our successes and our pleasures. To support your "sisters," you can join an advocacy group such as NAAFA or contribute money if that is possible for you. Or, you can live your life and be yourself demonstrating how one can have happiness and goodness ooze out of your pores no matter the number on the scale.
Wishing you a bountiful life,
BB
Dear Bonnie,
I need help with my self-image. I look and feel dowdy. I watch these make over programs on television and the women look so fantastic after they find clothes that flatter them and make up to enhance them. I NEED HELP! I am not going on national television, though, so what's a girl/woman to do???
Elena
Dear Elena,
So glad you asked! Naturally, one place to start is to make sure that you check out the IGIGI site to choose clothes that fit your body. Their diagrams and plans are a valuable resource. You might also want to get together two or three of your pals whose appearances looks the very best to you and have a "session" where you are the focus. Try on all the clothes in your closet and divide them into categories --
"keep," "donate," "toss" or "repair." Get help. Heed their wisdom. Then, go get your makeup done, if you are someone who wears makeup and not everyone does or wants to, and have two or three people do you up. See what your "experts"/your friends like and what feels right to you. You have begun your own update and are on the path to feeling new and fresh!
Wishing you a bountiful life,
BB
A note on how you can help your sisters who are less fortunate than you - as a fashion-minded chica, I highly recommend that you contact local homeless and women's shelters, even those agencies that help addicts return to a productive and drug-free life. Why? Because every one of these agencies treats plus-sized women who desperately want a normal life in a normal workplace, and donating professional plus-sized clothing is a great way to help these women get a step up in interviews and in re-entering the job force. If you're sick of that sassy blue pantsuit and don't see yourself wearing it again, donate it to one of these agencies that ensures that those women who re-enter the workforce do it with style!
