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I recently got a nasty post on my blog. It was not the first one and won't be the last. Being fat is bad enough in the eyes of some people but to be accepting of my size seems to them worse than being a member of NAMBLA. I debated whether to keep the comment or delete it, even discussing it with my follow bloggers. I decided to keep it to show the world that people really do make comments so horribly nasty such as I got where the poster essentially wished that I was dead.

In my February column I wrote about increasing self-esteem in light of the negative images all around, so now I want to give you some practical advice on dealing with nasty people out there. Not the helpful idiot who wants you to try This Great Diet, but the people who really do hate fat people, won't ever listen to reason and don't care that they are hurting your feelings--making you feel lower than dirt is exactly what they are all about. It's important to call them exactly what they are: Bullies.

Generally, the best way to deal with any bully is to ignore them. I know the comments hurt. They always say names never hurt, but we all know that isn't true. The most important thing was go by the suggestions from my previous column, being self-assured and successful is the best way to defeat a bully.

We can also use another trick. Walk a mile in their shoes. I recently attended a workshop with the fabulous Marilyn Wann where she talked about being on a call-in show. No matter who the audience is, where it is produced, or what is said on the air, someone always calls up and tells them if she just stopped eating doughnuts she would lose weight. There are two reasons someone would say that: they feel so inadequate they have to pick on someone to feel three-dimensional, or they really want that doughnut themselves. They are jealous that we eat when they don't. When you think about that, suddenly their comments aren't that bad.

But what happens when you can't get away from the bully, say when they are a co-worker, classmate, or relative? If you are being bullied in the workplace this is completely against the law. You are entitled to a workplace free from hostility. If a person is making disparaging comments, ask them to stop. Sometimes you'll be surprised and find that they will, other times you'll get the standard bully line "Don't be so sensitive" or "I'm only kidding".

That's when it's time to speak to a supervisor. (If that person is your supervisor, you need to talk to the person above them.) You will sometimes encounter places where the harassment won't stop, and even though it is completely wrong, it may be prudent to find work elsewhere. Even though they are wrong, a job that lets this go on isn't worth your time and talent.

Places like high school or grammar school is harder. For one thing they are cliquish and children aren't as mature yet so they don't quite understand hurting people. Also it is becoming more socially acceptable to bully fat kids due to the "obesity epidemic" because it is for their own good. I don't think much has change since I was in elementary and junior high. If you tell a parent or teacher about the bullies, you are a tattletale and sometimes bullying gets worse, but if you do nothing things are done to you that an adult would get arrested for.

This isn't fair. If you are being bullied in school and it is effecting your well-being, you need to talk to a parent. The parent needs to talk to the school. Thankfully there are more proactive now to stop bullying in school. Also think about safety in numbers. Make friends with the other outcasts and stand together again the tide of garbage. It's easy for them to bully an individual but they'll often back off from a group..

Finally that relative. The hardest thing to do is to cut a relative out of your life, especially if it's a parent or a sibling. But sometimes you have to ask yourself would you be this person's friend if they weren't related to you? You should tell them to back off. If they don't, I find the best way to deal with them is to limit my contact (and if you feel comfortable with it, cut them off completely.) The most important thing to remember if these people don't own your life. You shouldn't let them have access to it. You shouldn't care if some idiot calls you a fat pig because who are they to you? Nothing.