Dear Bonnie,

Last weekend, I got out of bed and I had a spasm in my back. Since I could not move, I had to go to the hospital for treatment. I didn't eat all day because I was waiting for a room. When I finally got settled in, I was given a turkey sandwich with only a mustard packet; I ate it because I was so starved. In the morning, I received my breakfast of low calorie food but my roommate got pancakes and sausage. By this time, I was feeling better and asked what was going on. The nurse said, "we want to help you watch what you eat so you can lose some weight."

Then I got it. I more than spoke up. I told her I was not in the hospital for a heart related problem, was not on a restricted diet, and wanted pancakes and sausages!" Guess what? I got them. How can I help other people advocate for themselves when in similar situations.

Cynthia

Dear Cynthia,
You go girl! How outrageous. Everyone take note of Cynthia's choices. Typically when any of us is in a vulnerable situation, we are more likely to go along with what is offered. There is no reason to be treated differently because of your size. If you don't speak up, you are probably going to feel lousy about yourself, definitely not the right circumstances to have the best healing possible.

Wishing you a bountiful life,
Bonnie
www.BonnieBernell.com

Dear Bonnie,

I know I know that going to the Doctor when I don't feel good is the right thing to do. I know that some physical/medical things just need attention. I just don't feel good. And, I don't want to either endure the lose weight lecture and probably start to cry, get on the scale or see those awful looks of judgment. What can I do?
Andrea

Dear Andrea,

Getting good medical care when you need it is essential to living a healthy life. There is great debate about whether, or not, plus size people avoid going to a physician for just the reasons you mentioned.Do what you need to do to take care of yourself. Go to a size friendly physician and, if needed, tell them you do not want to be weighed. If there is some medically indicated reason, such as the amount of a specific prescription that is related to body size, you can then decide if you want to be weighed. You can tell them you don't want to know the number. NAAFA (www.naafa.org) has some excellent pamphlets to take to your physician and to arm you with the words you may need to advocate for yourself. But, most important, get the care you need. Your life depends on it!

Wishing you a bountiful life,
Bonnie
www.BonnieBernell.com

Dear Bonnie,

I want to be healthy. I want to enjoy my life and I do. Some days, though, I am absolutely driven to eat and eat and eat things I don't even usually think about no less want too much of, like donuts. Everyone raves about Krispy Kreme donuts One time I had one right out of the oven and it melted in my mouth. I don't like them most of the time, though. What are these cravings? Why can't I eat what I think I should and what would be good for me?

Jennifer

Dear Jennifer,

Read this new research.

YOUR BRAIN ON KRISPY KREMES

CHICAGO--What makes you suddenly dart into the bakery when you spy chocolate-
frosted donuts in the window, though you certainly hadn't planned on indulging? As you lick the frosting off your fingers, don't blame a lack of self-control.

New research from Northwestern University's Feinberg School of Medicine reveals how hunger works in the brain and the way neurons pull your strings to lunge for the sweet fried dough.

Krispy Kremes, in perhaps their first starring role in neurological research, helped lead to the discovery.

In the study, subjects were tested twice -- once after gorging on up to eight Krispy Kreme donuts until they couldn't eat anymore, and on another day after fasting for eight hours.

In both sessions, people were shown pictures of donuts and screwdrivers, while researchers examined their brains in fMRI's.

When the subjects saw pictures of donuts after the eating binge, their brains didn't register much interest. But after the fast, two areas of the brain leaped into action upon seeing the donuts. First, the limbic brain -- an ancestral part of the brain present in all animals from snakes to frogs to humans -- lit up like fireworks.

"That part of the brain is able to detect what is motivationally significant. It says, not only am I hungry, but here is food," said senior author Marsel Mesulam, M.D., the Ruth and Evelyn Dunbar Distinguished Professor of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at the Feinberg School and a neurologist at Northwestern Memorial Hospital.

Next, the brain's spatial attention network shifted the hungry subject's focus toward the new object of desire -- in this case the Krispy Kremes.

"If we didn't have this part of the brain, every time you passed by a bakery you would have no control over your eating," explained Mesulam, who also is director of the Cognitive Neurology and Alzheimer's Disease Center at the Feinberg School. "If your nerve cells fired every time you smelled something edible, then you'd eat all the time, not just when you're hungry."

"There's a very complex system in the brain that helps to direct our attention to items in our environment that are relevant to our needs, for example, food when we are hungry but not when we are full," said Aprajita Mohanty, lead author of the paper and a post-doctoral fellow at the Feinberg School. The study was published on-line last week in the journal Cerebral Cortex.

Mesulam noted the research demonstrates how our brain decides what to pay attention to in a world full of stimuli -- not just sweets. "If you are in a forest and you hear rustling, the context urges you to pay full attention since this could be a sign of danger," he said.

"If you are in your office, the context makes the identical sound less relevant. A major job of the brain is to match response to context."

The study helped Mesulam understand his own behavior. "Now I know why I can't resist walking into the bakery some days when I smell fresh scones," he said.

Contact: Marla Paul
Marla-Paul@northwesMarla-Pa
312-503-8928
Northwestern University

Wishing you a bountiful life,
Bonnie
www.BonnieBernell.,com

Dear Bonnie,

I have just lost some weight by exercising and watching my portions, not dieting, not surgery, just being more aware. My husband keeps sabotaging my efforts by bringing home my favorite chocolates (which he does not even like) and talking about how much he liked me better before I lost weight. I am confused and upset by his behavior. I keep telling him what I need. He says it is hard to change and he loved me the way I was; he has to get used to the emerging me.I am afraid that our marriage is on the line because I am making these changes.I do not want to lose him and I don't want to regain the weight I have lost. I just don't know what to do.

Kathleen

Dear Kathleen,

When one person in a couple changes their behavior in a positive way, there is often the assumption that the partner will celebrate the changes and just be happy. So often that is not what happens. Since, in part, we teach our partners how to relate to us, when we are being different, we have to help them know what is actually going to be supportive. Much is being written about how important the brain is in affecting what we do. If your husband is feeling that your relationship may be threatened because of your changes, his brain will respond as if there is danger in his life. That danger can be real, perceived or imagined. If he is scared, too, he can only fight, flee, submit or freeze. If you can reassure him that you want your relationship with him and tell him clearly what you need rather than what you don't need, you will discover if he is actually trying to undermine your efforts or if he just does not quite know how to relate to the new you. Instead of bringing the chocolates, you might ask him to bring you your favorite flower, write you a note, make eye contact with you and give you a passionate kiss when he comes home. Tell him that would be better than any piece of chocolate, as long as you mean it!

Wishing you a bountiful life,
Bonnie
www.BonnieBernell.com